A SeeD's Memories
by Gunblade Girl
Summary: Ever had questions about Squall's childhood? Why Seifer hates him this much? How he ended up in the orphanage? How Fujin lost her eye? All those questions answered by Squall himself as he writes his memories. A two parts story I hope you enjoy.
1. The Orphanage

            Note : I longed to tell something about Squall's childhood, I just didn't know how… But I got it. I had to take notes of the game, doing twice to get it all! Some parts of this fic are from the game, others from my own twisted mind.

            So this is the story of Squall's childhood from his birth to the begining of the game. This story is told by Squall himself, his point of view of everything.

            Enjoy ^_~

A SeeD's Memories 

****

         Part 1- The Orphanage

I was reluctant about doing this at first, but the others convinced me it could help me see clearer things of my own life. I don't really care... then why am I doing this? Maybe because I want to understand better after all... Whatever...

            I can't recall everything, of course. As everybody knows, junctionning GFs makes us lose some of our memories so I required the help of my friends, of Ellone, and even Edea. With their memories put on with mine, I can come up with something.

            The best part to start with is my birth. Of course, it's obvious I can't remember anything about it... Ellone told me. She remembered peerfectly every details as though it happened yesterday. That part of her –part of our life- was kept deep in her soul as one of the saddest moment. She said it helped her understand better herself when she finished telling everything. I can still remember the tears in her eyes while she was speaking...

*****

            "It's a boy!" the woman said placing the baby in a blanket. "Raine, you have a son!"

            "Give him to me..."

            Raine weakly took the baby in her arms and looked at the small face. He wasn't crying. She looked at him. He had blue eyes and a little brown hair just like hers.

            "Not much of 'him' on that little face..."

            "Lemme see! Lemme see!"

            "Come closer, Ellone..."

            The little brunette hopped as the new mother bent to present her the little thing. Raine gritted her teeth from the pain.

            "Little baby, little baby!" Ellone sang. "Cutie!"

            Raine moaned, causing the old woman to take back the baby while the young mother laid back on her pillows.

            "Raine?" Ellone inquired. "You're hurt?"

            Raine gently held her head, giving her a painful smile.

            "I'm alright, dear... Now promise me...you'll be his sister...like I'm your mother..."

            But it wasn't true, she wasn't alright. There were complications in the delivery. The old woman who helped her give birth to the child was afraid the baby would never come out and die with the mother. Because it was obvious: Raine was going to die. There was no doctor in a small town such as Winhill, and none to be found far away from the place.

            Looking sorry, but very serious, the woman came by Raine's side.

            "Name the kid, Raine."

            Raine had her hair sticking on her face from the sweat.

            "Name..."

            "Yes, give him a name."

            Raine turned her head to the opened window when some wind blew right on her face. She closed her eyes, letting the wind cool up her face a little.

            "Squall," she said real low. "The name...is...Squall..."

            The she passed away. Ellone jumped on her.

            "Raine? No sleep time, Raine! What's wrong, Raine? Raine!!"

            Seeing the only mother she had since her parents' death share the same fate, she started crying and yelling at the dead woman.

            "Raine! Don't go! You said we'd be a family!"

            The elder one felt bad for the kids. The girl lost her parents years ago and Raine took her with her. Now the newborn one was also with no mother. But what about the father? Where was that fool?

            She took Ellone's hand to take her out of the room.

            "Come, sweetheart. There's nothing more for you to do here."

            "No! Leave me here! Raine!"

            It was a really sad scene to see. Ellone finally gave up. The old woman gave a last glance on Raine before leaving.

            "Raine Leonhart... you would have been a great mother..."

            The three left the room.

*****

            I didn't tell it as if I was there because I don't think it's apropriate. I can see now that my sad childhood started with my birth. Raine... I never even started to imagine she could have been my mother the first time I saw her as Laguna in the 'Dream World'... then again, I can't even think of Laguna as my father... I think 17 is a bit old to find who my parents are... at least I know who my parents are while my friends don't. I think to much... just stop thinking!

            What happened after raine died? The old woman first tried to find someone to keep Ellone and I in Winhill, but there was only old people living there or people who already had kids and couldn't take care of two more. She just couldn't give us up, so she asked her daughter if she knew a place where two children could be well treated. After a while, the daughter found out. The old woman, too old to travel, asked her daughter to take us to that so great looking place. It happened to be an orphanage in a grey stone house somewhere on the Centra continent. Personaly, I wonder how in the world we ended up so far from Winhill! Wasn't there any good place closer? Whatever...

            For the next part, I required Ellone's help again along with Edea's. Both memories were almost the same so there was no problem. Incredible considering how young Ellone was and how much time past.

            So this part is about our arrival at the orphanage.

*****

            Carrying a baby in a bag on her chest, and holding a blue dressed girl's hand, the woman knocked at the wooden door from the stone house. A long black haired woman opened the door, dressed in a long black dress. She had her hands down joined together as she looked at the kids.

            "Let me guess," she said in a soft tone. "These kids don't have anymore family and you've been asked to take them here."

            The other woman smiled.

            "You're just as I was told, Miss Kramer. Is the rumour...true?"

            "That I'm a Sorceress? Yes, it's true."

            "I can tell from your eyes that you're nothing like that Adel who's so dangerous!"

            The black dressed woman bent on Ellone who shyly hid behind the other woman.

            "Don't be scared," she said. "I'm not gonna eat you or anything..."

            She went back to the baby carrier.

            "What is their story?"

            "I'm not sure... My mother said she helped the baby's mother give birth to him, but she died right after."

            "Poor thing! No father?"

            "Nobody knows."

            "And the girl?"

            "Her parents died long ago and she was taken by the boy's mother."

            "So they are some step brother and sister?"

            "Kind of..."

            "I'll take good care of them..."

            She was handed the baby and invited Ellone inside after the other woman thanked her and said goodbye to the little girl. Once the door was closed, the black dressed lady turned to Ellone.

            "You don't talk very much, do you?"

            Ellone shyly looked away.

            "Will I have to call you 'girl'?"

            The little one smiled.

            "What is your pretty name?"

            "...Ellone."

            "I was right! Your name is just as pretty as you are!"

            Ellone proudly accepted the compliment.

            "My name is Edea, the kind woman introduced herself. You can call me Matron."

            "Matwyn..."

            Edea smiled headed towards a door.

            "What do you say about meeting the others?"

            Ellone suddenly showed interest.

            "You have other kids?"

            "They are not mine. They are like you: alone. And I'm taking care of them."

            There were some wooden craddles in the room. Edea put the baby in an empty one then turned to Ellone.

            "I forgot something important! What is the baby's name? Did her mother have the time to give him one?"

            "Squall."

            "Like a strong wind... this guy will be very strong..."

            Edea was lost in her thoughts a moment then got back to Ellone.

            "Do you know when he was born?"

            "August 23."

            "Just few weeks ago."

            A crying sound was heard from one of the craddles. Edea went to take the baby followed by a curious Ellone close behind. Edea showed her the little blond boy she had in her arms.

            "This boy was born last december 22. He's almost a year now."

            Ellone looked at him and frowned.

            "He looks bad!"

            The guy started crying again like he understood what Ellone said. Edea giggled and lulled him.

            "His name's Seifer Almasy."

            When he stopped crying, she put him back and took a look in another. Ellone came to see what it was. Edea signaled her to keep silent.

            "This is Quistis. She was born october 4 last year."

            "She is older than Seifer, then," Ellone noticed.

            "Yes. You're smart."

            They left the room.

*****

            From then, there isn't much to say for a while. For the first weeks, Edea was always finding Ellone watching over me and sometimes on Quistis and Seifer, but most of the time, she was with me, keeping the promise she made to Raine. Seeing that, Edea was afraid that ellone would only stay around me later and leave the others alone, but everytime either of them was crying, Edea was always finding Ellone close to comfort them.

*****

            Few months after Ellone and Squall's arrival, Edea entered the babies' room to find Ellone watching over Squall's craddle as usual. The kind Sorceress walked to her with a smile and signaled her to come out for a little talk. When they were out, Edea crouched down to the little girl's level.

            "You probably heard some calls this didn't you child?"

            "Yes, Matwyn," Ellone answered with a nod.

            "There will soon be some more babies here. I'll need your help to take care of them all. I can be their mother and you can be their big sister. What do you say?"

            The brunette frowned and folded her arms.

            "I'm Squall's sister."

            "Yes, dear, I know taht but you can play the big for the others too. When I'm not around, you'll have to watch them for me, make sure they don't get hurt or that they fight each other. Will you do that for me, my child?"

            Ellone thought for a while. She promised Raine she would be Squall's sister, but she never promised not to be sister to someone else.

            "Okay, I'll be the big sister."

            Edea took the girl's hands and smiled kindly.

            "Thanks. That will be of great help to me."

*****

            During the next week, Ellone couldn't wait to for the new kids to show up. It was Irvine and Selphie, both coming from the same place the same day? Maybe it fate that those two would end up together...

            Sis was very happy. So many kids to take care of, but when she was with one, would I start crying she would automatically be at my side. Dear sis, never forgot her promise.

            We were there for a year when the last member of our gang showed up. And if I made myself clear enough, you understand it,s Zell...

*****

            Ellone just woke up and went to check up on everybody in the craddles, starting with Squall. She checked on the others, then on Squall again before leaving the room. She went to the front door and opened it, looking at the rising morning. It was fresh outside. The girl listened to the early birds and smiled.

            "I'll be able to play outside today! Great!"

            She was about to go back in the stone house when she heard a giggle. She spun around and saw a baby about a little more than a year in a basket. It was a little blonde haired boy. Ellone crouched down and read the piece of paper over him. A single word: 'Zell'. Nothing else. Ellone took the basket carefully and carried it inside. Edea was coming out of her bedroom in the meantime. She had her usual calm and kind smile on her face, but when she saw Ellone, she had a frown of curiosity.

            "What is it, Ellone?"

            "Zell..." she said simply.

            Edea walked to her and when she glanced at the basket, she took it from Ellone's hands.

            "Not again... I hate it when that happens..."

            He wasn't the first kid to be left at the door. Seifer came that way, but there was his full name on a metal necklace plus a letter. But that new blonde guy only had a first name.

            "Zell," Edea read.

            She closed her eyes and shook her head with a sigh.

            "I guess his parents really didn't want him anymore."

            Edea walked back inside, Ellone following her. She took the paper and turned it over.

            "March 17...must be his birth date."

*****

            Okay, maybe that part's confusing. You see, I'm older than Zell. We're both 17, but I had mine first. I was born august 23, Selphie july 16 before me, Irvine, november 24 so he was still very young when he arrived with Selphie. With a full year gone since our arrival, Zell was about half a year when he came in. SO! For the ages: I was 1, Selphie too, Irvine almost, Quistis and Seifer about 2 and sis...she was five or something close to it at least. Hope it's clear now. Let me continue...

*****

            Ellone was very excited. Seifer and Quistis were walking by themselves and started to say some words. She tried to teach Squall to walk, but he was still too small so she thought him to speak. He couldn't pronounce her name so she made him call her 'sis'. Then Seifer and Quistis did the same. Selphie was always giggling and Irvine always crying if he wasn't close to her.

            Seifer was often asking sis to play, but Quistis was pulling him away, saying she was busy with Squall. Then Seifer go sulk somewhere, saying Squall was stupid. The brown haired boy almost started to cry then, like he understood.

            "No, no, Squall," Ellone comforted. "You're not stupid."

            Squall stopped crying, sniffing. Ellone frowned and walked to Seifer.

            "You're mean!" she said before going back to Squall.

            Seifer gave a sorry look and started to cry. Then Quistis did, followed with Irvine and Selphie, then Zell who surprisingly wasn't crying until now. And Squall followed. That crying bunch of babies caused Edea to come in a hurry just when Seifer was running out.

            "What's going on?" she asked with concern.

            Ellone turned to her with a sorry face like she was on the verge of tears herself.

            "I'm sorry, Matwyn!"

            Edea smiled comfortingly and directly went to Zell.

            "Ellone, please go check on Seifer,"she asked.

            "But Squall is..."

            "I'll take care of him. Please..."

            "Awright..."

            She reluctantly left her little brother to go for the hiding blonde boy. She found him outside, just behind the house. He was sitting on the ground, crying. Ellone went to kneel in front of him.

            "Sorry, Seifer," she said.

            "Yoo hate me, Sis?" he asked looking up.

            "No, of course not!"

            He sniffed.

            "Yoo said I'm mean..."

            "Well you're not kind to Squall."

            "But yoo like him best."

            "He's my little brother, Seifer."

            "I'm not Sis' brother?"

            "Oh, Seifer..."

*****

            Here Ellone stopped, saying she can't remember what she told Seifer after. Or maybe she didn't want to tell what she answered. But she assured her answer got Seifer back in good terms with the others. But when I think about how he turned out towards us, I doubt she got him in any good terms... or maybe it's just with me...

            Time past, days, weeks, months... kids came and left but they were not really important so we all forgot about them except for Edea. She never forgot a single kid who came to her home. Seifer started to tease Zell almost all the time. And all the time, Zell cried. Now wonder Seifer always called him a crybaby. In facte, Seifer's favorite victim was Zell, but when he was not around, I was...

*****

            Seifer was about four and he was mad that day, really mad. Edea was outside and after a quick search of the house, he guessed Zell also was.

            "Hmm..."

            Another kid was adopted the previous day. He didn't know him much, but he wanted to be adopted too, to get out of that place. But no one ever came for him. He just couldn't take it anymore. 

            Then he saw the brown haired boy sitting on the floor of the bedroom, smiling to no one. Seifer frowned with some kind of a grin.

            "Squally is a stoopid boy!" he exclaimed.

            The younger one lost his smile and looked up.

            "Seifer is mean!"

            "Know what? Yoo're not Sis' brother!"

            "Yes, I'm!"

            "No, yoo're not!"

            "Yes, I am!"

            And the little guy rushed to the other one and threw himself on him. The boys rolled over the floor, punching each other and pulling their hair.

            "Yoo mean!"

            "Yoo stoopid!!"

            That's when a blond girl entered in a hurry. She froze when she saw her friends fighting. She hurried to them and tried to separate them.

            "Stop this now!" she ordered. "Please stop!"

            A brown haired boy entered hearing everything.

            "What, Quisty?"

            "Irvy, help me!"

            While Quistis was pulling Squall, Irvine was pulling Seifer. Despite his year younger, Irvine was pretty strong.

            "Leggo!" Seifer exclaimed.

            "Bossy, leave me!" Squall ordered.

            "No, that's enough!"

            Squall stopped moving and started crying. Seifer smiled and freed himself from Irvine's grip.

            "Yoo crybaby just like Zell..."

            "I'm not!"

            Squall ran out the room and headed into the back alley. There he just stood, looking at the horizon.

            "Squall?" a voice called.

            He turned around and saw the comforting blue dress of Ellone. He buried his face in her dress and sobbed.

            "What is it?"

            "S...Seifer..."

            "What?"

            "He...he said I'm not your brother..."

            "That's not true! You're my little brother, Squall and you'll always be. I promise..."

*****

 I don't really know why Seifer was so frustated. I can't believe he was only jealous, there must have been something else... maybe envious of me? The good days are about to end and I suppose you guess what will happen. Even with Seifer always mean to everyone, Zell always crying, Quistis always 'bossy', I always found Ellone to comfort me...until then...

*****

            "The ship is ready, m'am," a man told Edea.

            She was by the beach, a huge ship floating further.

            "Good."

            Edea sighed sadly but she had to do it. Even though Adel was gone, she was feeling like something would happen to ellone, something bad. And she would feel that way until Ellone would go somewhere safe.

            She called her and she came. Other kids were already by her side as Ellone approached.

            "What, Matwyn?"

            The kind Sorceress kneeled down to the little one.

            "It's dangerous here, Ellone. Now I want you to have a life. You're not forced to live here anymore."

            "What do you mean?"

            "Do you see that beautiful ship over there?" she asked pointing at it.

            Ellone nodded.

            "You'll go with those kids."

            "Is Squall coming too?"

            "No, Squall'll stay here."

            "Then I'll stay too! I promised I'd always be his sister!"

            "You will, but you must leave, you're in danger here. Go with these people, they'll be your family."

            "I don't want any family! I want to stay here with Matwyn, Squall, Quisty, Irvy, Sefie, Zell and Seifer too!"

            "Sorry, sweetie..."

            A man took the girl up in his arms and placed her in a boat despite her protests. The other kids followed, saying good-bye to their Matron.

            "No, no!" Ellone protested. "I have to stay with Squall, I promised!!"

            The boat floated to the ship and one hour later, it was gone, taking Ellone with it.

*****

            I...I wonder why I haven't heard anything when it happened. I can't believe Ellone was taken away. 

            That ship was the white SeeD ship. I guess the kids were the SeeDs I met some time ago. I feel...sad when I think about this...

            Even though we all know Edea is married with Cid, we never saw him anywhere. That's because he was working on those things dug out from an ancient civilization which we know as the Centra. Those were to become Gardens later. I guess at first he was just researching them and didn't have any purpose since they didn't think about SeeDs yet. I guess the ship was just a moving orphanage because their was a bit too much kids in the stone house. Maybe it got known as the White SeeD Ship around the time Garden were instored. Whatever...

            Now the hard time begins, but it seems to be hard only for me...or maybe it was for everyone too they just tried not to think about it, to forget... Considering Ellone was almost my real sister and always close to me, losing her really made me feel alone. Even the other kids' company wasn't making me feel good...

*****

            When Squall woke up, he sat up in his bed and looked around. Seeing there were kids missing, he supposed they were adopted. He tried to see if his friends were still there. Sleeping peacefully, he recognized Seifer, Quistis, Irvine, Selphie and Zell probably having a nightmare from the look on his face.

            Squall turned his head to his side to Ellone's bed. Squall lost his smile and got down his bed to reach Ellone's.

            "Sis?" he called in a whisper as he climbed on the bed.

            But it was empty. No sign of Ellone anywhere. Squall looked around with his eyes wide with fear and panic.

            "Sis? Where are you?"

            Seifer grumbled and turned on his side.

            "Stop it," he mumbled.

            Squall jumped down the bed and ran out the room, opening the door loudly. The others all sat up straight at the sound.

            "What?" Zell asked rubbing his eyes.

            "Not me!" Irvine exclaimed still half asleep.

            Quistis looked at Squall's empty bed and messed sheats and figured out it was him who suddenly cried out like that.

            "Squall!" she called getting up.

            Seifer frowned, mad.

            "What's Sis doing? She always takes care of it!"

            He got up after Quistis but not for the same purpose. Selphie followed, getting excited.

            "Seifer is gonna fight Squall again!" she exclaimed.

            "Sefie, wait for me!" Irvine called going after her.

            Zell sulked.

            "They'll be punished again!"

            He hesitated but as usual, he followed.

            No one in the next room. Squall was filled with panic as he quickly got back in the bedroom, bumping into Quistis...

            "Squall!"

            Then into Seifer...

            "What yoo doin' stoopid?"

            Into Selphie...

            "No fight?"

            Into Irvine...

            "What's goin' on?"

            And finally into Zell.

            "Watch out!"

            But Squall never stopped or slowed down. His heart was beating incredibly fast from the fear. He found his yellow t-shirt and his pants and put it on with his shoes and hurried outside again, almost bumping into everyone again. Seifer caught him by the t-shirt and pulled him to himself, showing a threatening fist under his nose.

            "First yoo wake us all up then you run around like crazy?! What's yoor problem?"

            "Gotta find Sis!" Squall exclaimed freeing himself from seifer's grip.

            He ran to the back door and got outside. Then he scanned the place with growing fear until Matron came back from the beach. Then Squall ran to her and caught her skirt, pulling it.

            "Matwyn! Matwyn! Sis is gone! Where's she?"

            Edea tried to smile, but her eyes still showed sadness at the sight of the worried little one. But Squall wasn't stupid despite what Seifer was always saying. He could see something was wrong. She placed her comforting hads on Squall's shoulders.

            "It was her turn, Squall. She's gone."

            "Her turn?"

            Squall understood what Matron was telling him it looked more like he didn't want to believe it or accept it.

            "She left," Edea said.

            "When will she be back?"

            "She won't come back, Squall. She left us."

            The little face changed completely. His eyes narrowed and his lips curved up as if he was about to cry.

            "She left me?"

            "No, no! She just had to leave."

            Squall took his head in his hands and shook it, refusing to face the truth.

            "She promised me! She said she'd never leave me alone! She...she must be somewhere!"

            And he ran back into the ston house.

            "Squall!" Edea tried to stop him.

            But he was too determined for her. He ran around the orphanage, turning his head in every directions to look everywhere in the same time, but except for the curious kids wondering what was going on, no sign of Ellone.

            Then he thought maybe she was back in bed again so he ran into the bedroom with a hopeful face, but Ellone's bed was just as empty as it was a while ago. He still didn't want to give up. The took the other door of the room and ended up in the yard, but Ellone wasn't there either so he took the door on the wall aside and entered in the main room again where Edea was back telling the others what happened. They were all shocked and sad, but only Squall was upside down.

            Edea got up.

            "Listen Squall. You will all leave this place someday. Today was Ellone's turn..."

            "No! She's not gone!"

            He went through the entrance and ran farther.

            "Squall!"

            Edea turned to Quistis.

            "Please, go after him!"

            Without a word, Quistis ran outside after Squall. She didn't have to go really far, she found him sitting on the ground, sobbing. She went to him.

            "Squall..." she started.

            A crying face turned to her and she kneeled down.

            "She...she's not here...she's gone..."

            He stared at Quistis who opened her arms to him. Squall threw himself in without a second thought.

            "Quisty..."

            The blond girl waited a moment before taking the boy back into the house where Edea was worrying. All the other kids were shocked except for one, standing away from the others. Seifer was leaning against the wall and looking away.

            Edea remained silent as she crouched down to take Squall in her arms. Then she wondered if she made a mistake... Maybe she should have send Squall with Ellone on the ship...

*****

            I don't know why Matron kept me in the orphanage. Maybe she had some feeling she had to do it. Besides, I think if I would have left with Sis, I probably wouldn't have turned out the way I am now... and never become the leader of SeeD, never fight Ultimecia...Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad but...maybe I wouldn't have met Rinoa either...Whatever...

            After I managed to calm down a little, Edea gave me something, a ring with a lion carved on it. Back then, she said that it would make me strong but today...Apparently Ellone got it from someone close to me. Like Laguna. I never thought this ring could have been related to my family. Maybe I always felt it, that's why I was so attached to it. And then Rinoa ended up with it...Is it fate?

            The day was as followed: I remained alone, wondering why Ellone left while the others were talking about it, all wondering if it was their fault. That was the final day I can recall that Seifer didn't tease anyone. He didn't say a word the whole day. But the next morning... I remember it for seeing it twice: as a kid and as...myself...

*****

            The moment Squall woke up, he hopefully turned to Ellone's bed, trying to believe that everything was just a dream, a nightmare. But the bed was awfully empty.

            "Maybe she's already up," he hoped.

            He got up and dressed up before hurrying outside. Edea was already there.

            "Good morning, Squall. How are you feeling today?"

            "Where is Sis?" he asked looking around.

            Edea lowered her head and closed her eyes.

            "She left yesterday, Squall. Don't you remember?"

            He stared at his Matron a moment then, without a word, got back in the bedroom and through the other door, going into the back alley.

            "Squall, where are you going?" Edea asked.

            He stopped at the edge of the yard, not noticing the man all dressed in black standing there. Squall placed his hands on his hips and looked up with determination.

            "I'm gonna find Sis!" he exclaimed.

            He left and Edea came out of the house.

            "Squall!" she called.

            The young man was tracing the youth when Edea stopped by his side and turned to him.

            "Excuse me. Have you seen a little boy?"

            He made a comforting move with his hand.

            "You don't have to worry," he assured. "The boy won't go anywhere."

            "I think so too," Edea answered sadly. "Poor thing..."

            A purple light suddenly appeared on the ground behind Edea. She turned around to see a black winged woman with a long red dress coming out of the ground through the light.

            "...You're alive!?" the young man exclaimed with surprise.

            He took out a gunblade and held it with two hands, frowning at the woman. Edea turned to him.

            "...The Sorceress?" she asked.

            "Yes, Matron. We had defeated her."

            The Sorceress walked forward, slowly, painfully. Edea wasn't sure to understand but she was definately a Sorceress, she just knew it, felt it.

            "Matron, stand back," the young man said ready to fight.

            But Edea stopped him.

            "It's ok. There's no more need to fight. That Sorceress is just looking for someone to pass her powers onto."

            She turned to the young man.

            "In order to die in peace," she explained, "a Sorceress must pass her powers onto someone. I know for I am one too."

            She turned to the Sorceress again.

            "I shall take over that Sorceress' powers. I don't want any of the children to become one."

            She walked towards the Sorceress.

            "Matron!" the young man called putting his weapon away.

            The woman stopped.

            "I... can't disappear yet..." the Sorceress said weakly.

            She opened her arms and a ball of purple light gathered over her head, passing onto Edea. She trembled from the shock. Then the Sorceress fell on her knees and disappeared in the ground with a purple smoke. Then Edea also fell on her knees, her palms on the ground. The young man snapped out of his surprise and hurried to Edea. He put a knee down and looked at her with concern.

            "Is this...the end?" she asked.

            "...Most likely," he answered.

            Edea looked up and place a hand on his knee.

            "You called me Matron. Who...are you?"

            "A SeeD. A SeeD from Balamb Garden."

            "SeeD? Garden?"

            He nodded.

            "Both SeeDs and Gardens were your ideas. Garden trains SeeDs, SeeDs defeat Sorceresses."

            "What are you saying?" she asked getting up.

            Then she suddenly figured out who that guy was.

            "You're...that boy from the future?"

            "Matron."

            She suddely looked concerned.

            "Please return. You do not belong here."

            Squall suddenly came back, all sad as he stopped near Edea.

            "...I can't find Sis," he said.

            Edea kneeled to him, taking his hand in hers.

            "...Am I...all alone?"

            Then he turned to the man in black leather with brown hair and a scar between his eyes.

            "Who's he?" he asked.

            "Nobody," Edea answered rubbing the top of his head. "You don't need to know. The only Squall permitted here is you."

            She got up and turned to the young man. The little Squall didn't understand what Matron meant by that. Was there more than one Squall?

            "Do you know where to go back?" she asked the young man. "Do you know how?"

            She really seemed concerned in front of that guy.

            "Will you be alright by yourself?"

            The young stood straight, placing a hand in front of his face in some kind of salute. He gave Matron a comforting look and suddenly disappeared.

            Squall widened his eyes with surprise.

            "Wh...where'd he go?" he asked looking around.

            Edea turned to him.

            "He went back home, I know he is."

            Then she turned to the horizon, thoughtful.

            "SeeDs...Gardens...Sorceress...maybe..."

            "Huh?"

            But Squall remained without any explanations.

*****

            That's something weird that I saw myself. There's really something strange. Edea haven't heard of Garden or SeeDs until I showed up... So was it me who gave her the idea?

            Probably, because after that, Edea started to spend more time with Cid, talking about those thing he dug out. That,s when they decided to call it Garden. I know Norg was giving the money for the repairs and adjustments of Balamb. Then Edea decided the boat that took Ellone away from me would be the white SeeD ship, always moving around so no one could catch Ellone.

            But when she told the purpose of SeeDs, Cid was reluctant, fearing one day, the SeeDs would fight Edea but she assured that wouldn't happen.

            She was wrong...

            Here's something I didn't know about. Seifer somehow heard about what I was doing and he was dragged here out of curiosity. I told him what it was then he asked where I was. When I told him it was the second day after Ellone left, he asked me if he could add something. I didn't object. I'm really looking for the most details possible to help me understand...

*****

            Squall was still wondering what happened, Edea telling him that wasn't important, that he had to forget.

            Back in the main room, Selphie and Irvine were already chasing each other around the place, Zell playing by himself and Quistis watching everything like a babysitter. Seifer was standing against the wall, expressionless until he saw Squall coming in.

            "Where yoo been again?"

            His voice wasn't mad. Apparently, he wasn't looking for a fight, just being curious.

            "Looking for Sis. I couldn't find her."

            Seifer frowned, annoyed.

            "She's gone, don't yoo understand?"

            "But she promised me!"

            "Promises are for fools! Ou know why she left? Cause yoo're not her brother!"

            "Seifer!" Quistis exclaimed.

            He was bearing his teeth and suddenly, he ran to the back of the house and through the back door. Squall started to cry and the others stopped playing. Quistis hurried to Squall to comfort him. She decided to take Ellone's place as the big sister.

            "He didn't mean it, Squall. Yoo'll always be Sis' brother."

            Outside, Seifer reached the beach down the stairs behind the orphanage. He was breathing fast and tears were rolling down his cheeks, drying on the warm sand. He wiped them away with anger and stared at the ocean which appeared blurry to him.

            "Sis... Yoo left because of me, did you? Yoo said I was mean... I wanted to change after yoo said I would always be your brother..."

            He lowered his head.

            "Squall... I hate yoo..." he whispered.

            In his mind, Squall was always Ellone's favorite so she couldn't be his sister too. She left because he was mean to Squall. Then Seifer made a decision: he looked up frowning at the waves.

            "Then I'll be more mean! Always mean! I'll show you, Sis! I'll make yoo pay for leaving me alone!!"

*****

            There! Now the mystery's solved. Everyone knows why I tease everyone. But maybe everybody Thought I always was like that but there was a time in my childhood where I REALLY wanted to change. Sis was my motive, but after she left, I gave up. Like Squall, I kept hoping she would come back one day but as everyone knows, she never came back. She left me...left us all...alone...

            My confession is done so I give back the place to Squall. Thanks a lot, Squall...

            ...You're most welcomed, Seifer for sharing that part of your childhood with me, with us. Now there're lot of things I understand.

            We skip a few days here, to the day the others decided to have fireworks... Geez, did they get in trouble!! But don't ask me where they got 'em, I have no idea. And I'm sure Edea also wonders about that!

*****

            Selphie bursted in the room with her usual yellow t-shirt and green overalls. She turned to the short haired boy wearing a kaki t-shirt and grey pants.

            "Irvy, wanna play?" she asked with her hands behind her back.

            The little guy stepped forward.

            "Sefie, wha'cha playin'?

            Selphie walked to the back door and turned to Irvine.

            "WAR!" she exclaimed.

            And she ran through the door, Irvine laughing behind her.

            Later, quistis was in the room with her red t-shirt and blue pants, her hair in a ponytail. Zell came in from the alley door, wearing a grey t-shirt and a short dark blue overalls. Selphie was standing there too, apparently waiting for something. Irvine suddenly entered through the back door, a wide smile on his face.

            "This way!" he exclaimed.

            He left again and the others followed, curious.

            In the bedroom, little Squall was standing by the bed, looking down.

            "Matwyn!" he called. "Sis isn't here! Where's Sis!?"

            Edea entered and smiled to the little one.

            "Come on, Squall. Why don't you play with the others?"

            Without answering, Squall walked through the door leading in the back alley where he stood, sadly.

            "Sis...... Elle..."

            He went in through the side door but there was nobody there so he exited through the back door. Laughs could be heard from down the beach. He didn't feel like going there with the others so he just stood on the stones.

            "Sis...," he whispered. "Where'd yoo go? Yoo don't like me anymore?"

*****

            No one answered me that day. Today I know it's not true.

            Later this night, the others set off fireworks at the beach. I was left out of it but I don't really care. They were the ones who got in trouble, not me.

*****

            The lighthouse standing on the cliff further was spreading its light over the sea over and over again. Down the stairs of the stonehouse, four kids were standing around a bright sparkle at the top of a stick. Selphie was crouching in front of it with a wide smile. By her side, wearing a cross sleeveless shirt with dark pants, Seifer was staring at the spark too. Not smiling but fascinated somehow. In front of Selphie, Quistis and Irvine were also enjoying the show.

            Zell suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs.

            "Yooooo!!!"

            He hurried down and stopped in the stairs half-way.

            "Kids aren't suppose'ta play with fireworks!"

            He kept going to the others.

            "I'm tell-ing!!!" he threatened. "I'm gonna tell on yoo!!!"

            The others grumbled, upset by Zell's threat. Siefer turned to him and frowned, his little fists on his hips.

            "Cry-Ba-By-Ze-ll!" he exclaimed. "Go back to bed!"

            "Yeah!" Selphie exclaimed. "We're tryin'ta have fun!"

            "Come on Zell!" Quistis begged. "Yoo're not tellin' are yoo?"

            Without answering, Zell went back upstairs.

*****

            And of course, Zell told everything so the others all got scolded. They were punished to stay in the bedroom all the evening. They were scolded one after the other before being sent to bed. I don't remember where I was but I think I must have been wondering why Sis was gone.

*****

            Later, Selphie and Quistis were standing in the bedroom, mad. They were on a side of a bed and Zell on the other side. Quistis was really mad at him.

            "Why did yoo do that, Zell? Yoo're mean!!"

            "Yeah!" Selphie said along. "We were havin' fun! Yoo not my friend anymore!"

            "Yoooo! C'mon! Stop it! Matwyn, help!!!"

            Seifer entered, frowning, his blond hair covering half his face. His uncovered eye spotted Zell right away, frowning madly at him. He walked in front of Zell.

            "CRY-BABY-ZE-ELL!!!" he exclaimed.

            Zell was about to cry, upset. Selphie frowned, upset also but agreeing with Seifer.

            "NAH-NA-NA-NA-NA-NAH!!!" Seifer continued.

            Little Zell placed his hands on his ears, shutting his eyes.

            "Stop teasing me, Seifer!"

            Irvine came in, followed by Matron.

            "That's enough!" she said. "Go to bed, all of you!"

            That was the first time Matron was raising her voice at them, they froze and obeyed right away. Taking their clothes off and changing in their pijamas, they went to bed.

            "What about Squall?" Seifer risked asking.

            "He'll join you later. Good night."

            She turned the light off and left the room, closing the door.

            Lightnings outside lightened the room and thunder followed. Zell hid under the sheets of his bed and started sobbing.

            "Cry baby," Seifer whispered.

*****

            Matron was looking for Squall but when she saw he was nowhere in the house, she feared he would have left with that awful weather. There was no more thunder or lightning just calm rain.

            Squall was simply at the entrance, leaning against a pillar, looking at his feet.

            "...Sis..."

            He sighed sadly.

            "I'm...all alone."

            He looked up.

            "But I'm doing my best..."

            He looked down again.

            "I'll be ok without yoo, Sis. I'll be able to take care of myself.

*****

            Now things are definately gonna change. The next day, Matron came to tell us we had to gather in the main room: people were coming to see us...

*****

            The six kids were standing side by side when Edea invited a couple to enter. A brown haired woman and a blond man, both around 30 years old. They stood in front of the kids and smiled warmly, looking at all of them. Edea stood by their side.

            "Kids, say hi to Mr. And Ms. Dincht."

            The kids bowed.

            "Hi, Mister and Miss Dincht, they said together."

            The woman joined her hands, delightful.

            "Tell us about them," the man asked.

            "Sure."

            The first in line was Irvine.

            "This is Irvine. He likes to play a lot and has plenty of energy to spare. Next to him is Selphie. She is very lively and also has plenty of energy. Then it's Zell. Not a bad boy but he cries often. Quistis quite like to boss the others. She has some leadership in her I guess. Squall there...well he's pretty lonely and doesn't speak much. Seifer...is much like a troublemaker, picking up fights all the time."

            Then she remained silent, looking at the couple. The man turned to his wife.

            "What do you think?"

            "You're letting me decide?"

            "Sure. Your choice will be a good one."

            She walked forward and looked at all the kids. Irvine was smiling lovingly, Selphie widely, Zell sadly, Quistis seriously, Seifer was frowning and Squall wasn't smiling at all, not even frowning.

            Without any hesitation, the woman kneeled in front of Zell and smiled warmly at him.

            "Your name is Zell, right?"

            He nodded, on the verge of tears but with shining eyes.

            "How would you like to have a room just for you and a lot of toys to play with?"

            "A room...? Just for me? With toys?"

            The woman nodded. Zell's eyes were as stars, melting the woman's heart. She slightly opened her arms and the little one started crying as she hugged him comfortingly.

            "He just need parents," she said.

            Then she released him, rubbing his head.

            "Him, it's this one we'll take home."

            "Alright," Edea said. "Come with me."

            The couple followed Edea's lead to another room, the brown haired woman smiling at Zell. He smiled back, rubbing his eyes. Then he turned to the others who looked sad. Some seemed envying and others jealous. Zell lost his smile, looking at the kids who've been his family for so long.

            "Yoo guys..."

            "It's yoor turn, Zell," Irvine said with a smile.

            "Happy for yoo!" Selphie exclaimed.

            "Better be good!" Quistis commanded.

            Squall didn't say a thing. Seifer just frowned.

            "She chose yoo 'cause yoo're crybaby!"

            And he left without forgetting to stick his tongue out to Zell one last time, for the last time.

            Edea came back with the Dincht. They gave Zell a coat to put on and asked him to say goodbye. Looking at the four remaining kids, all, despite their smile, were on the verge of tears. Even Squall.

            "It's my turn... Good bye..."

            He hugged Irvine.

            "Lucky..."

            And Selphie.

            "They look nice..."

            Quistis.

            "Be a good boy."

            He hesitated in front of Squall but still gave him a hug.

            "Maybe we'll see again," Zell hoped.

            "......"

            Zell walked back to the Dincht. Mr Dincht took him in his arms and walked to the door with his wife after thanking Edea.

            Over the man's shoulder, Zell was waving at the others.

            "G'bye everyone! I'll never forget yoo!"

            The others waved back, following.

            "Bye Zell! Be happy!"

            And the door closed.

*****

            When Zell hugged me, I remember thinking: "Zell's leavin' me alone too...like Sis... who next time?"

            Not very cheerful.

            A few weeks later, it was Quistis, adopted by the Trepe couple. She told us all to be good before she left like the little bossy we remember.

            Seifer was mad but I don't know if he was jealous or just sad she was leaving... Whatever...

            With Zell gone, I became his favorite victim but with Quistis gone, there was no one to defend me...

            I was about 5 and Seifer 6 when it was our turn but we were not adopted. That brown haired man we saw sometimes with Matron came to talk to us. Cid wanted orphans in Balamb Garden...

*****

            "I really don't think it's a good idea," Edea said folding her arms.

            The brown haired man looked at her, playing with his glasses.

            "Why not? Isn't it a chance for them to have a home?"

            "Of course, but... why the two of them? They are always fighting and I'm sure they would be very glad if they could never see each other again."

            "I picked kids from many orphanages for Balamb Garden and I placed a limit until the other Gardens are ready."

            "But why them both? They're always fighting!"

            "That's the point! They have the required energy to fight and they will learn discipline."

            Edea turned her back on her husband and took her chin in her hand, thinking.

            "They are full of spirit and I want them to develop it even more until that day they'll encounter the Sorceress. Especially 'that' boy."

            "Squall..."

The man closened to her.

            "The only reason I hesitated was that I'm afraid one day they might go after you."

            Edea turned around again and smiled playfully.

            "Cid, that will never happen. I'll make sure of it."

            The man looked at her, waiting. Edea rolled her eyes up and shrugged, shaking her head.

            "You're right. I can't take care of them forever so... I guess it's better."

            Cid nodded with a smile and they both went to the kids in the other room. Irvine playing with Selphie as usual, Seifer trying to pick a fight on Squall. The little brown haired one was trying to ignore the blond one but Seifer was really putting his heart into it. Squall's eyes were slowly filling with tears and gradually turning to a frown. He was on the verge of giving up.

            "Stop it!" he screamed running towards Seifer.

            With a smirk, Seifer waited for him, ready.

            Just before they started fighting, Cid and Edea came in.

            "Seifer! Squall, that's enough!"

            Squall froze, crying and Seifer just faced him his back. Edea was frowning at them and Cid was smiling to himself, convinced he did the right choice.

            "Come here you two," Edea said kneeling down.

            They did as they were told. Squall wiped away his tears.

            "Us too?" Irvine asked.

            "You can stay but it doesn't concern you... for now."

            Cid looked at the little guys. So much energy in their eyes.

            "Kids, I've been working for some months now on a building called 'Garden'. It's a home where orphans will learn to fight so when they're older, they can become mercenaries we call SeeDs."

            "What is a mercenary?" Seifer asked.

            "It's someone people hire to fight in their place."

            "What's hire?" Squall asked.

            "It's being paid for what you do, receiving money for a good job."

            Cid waited in case the kids would have asked something else. And Seifer did.

            "So?" he asked.

            "So you two are gonna live in that place."

            "What?" Seifer exclaimed. "Us two? With him?"

            He pointed Squall a disgusted way.

            "Yes you two. You have lots of energy and your fighting spirit is just what I'm looking for. What do you think? You'll have a home!"

            Seifer shrugged and Squall looked at Cid hopefully.

            "Will I see Sis there?"

            Cid frowned with curiosity and Edea placed her hands on Squall's shoulders.

            "Maybe, someday you'll see her again."

            He thought a moment. Zell and Quistis were gone, there was only Irvine, Selphie, Seifer and himself left. Have a home with lots of people... But the only one he wanted to see was Sis! But he would be able to see her someday, maybe.

            "Yes...I want home."

            "Me too," Seifer added peeking at Squall. "I wanna go."

            "Good!" Cid exclaimed getting up.

            Irvine and Selphie came closer.

            "What about us?" Irvine said.

            Cid turned to their worried faces.

            "Squall and Seifer are going to Balamb Garden. There are two more almost complete and when they are, you'll go there."

            "But meanwhile you'll stay with me," Edea said smiling comfortingly.

            "So young men, gather your things if you have anything and come to the beach when you're ready."

            And Cid exited through the back door.

            Seifer eyed Squall again before going into the bedroom. Squall looked at the others a moment, not sure what to do. When Edea smiled at him like she used to, he walked to the bedroom after Seifer.

            Neither of them had much to take with them. A few changive clothes and that's all. When he was assured Seifer wasn't caring about him, Squall put a hand under his bed. He moved a piece of wood from the floor and took a small paper box out of the hole. He protectively held it close to his heart and peeked at Seifer again who wasn't paying attention to him at all. Squall opened the box and took out the perfectly clean platinum ring. He looked at the winged creature with shining eyes before rubbing his cheek with the cold metal.

            "Sis..."

            He put it on his left mid finger, the only one big enough so the ring wouldn't slip. He placed his clothes on a shirt and tied it up like a bag. Then he got up.

            Seifer got up right when Squall walked by, bumping against him. Squall fell and Seifer frowned at him.

            "Watch it 'kay? Don't forget we'll be together so get outta my way!"

            And Seifer left. Squall got up and walked to the door. He turned around one last time to look at what have been his bedroom since he was a baby. With a sigh, he made a silent promise to Ellone about being good and do his best. He turned to leave when Seifer past by him, almost bumping into him again.

            "Wha'cha doin', Seifer?"

            "Forgot somethin'," he simply answered.

            He walked to a drawer and took it out. Behind it, something was scotched. No one ever took that drawer out so no one ever knew about this. Seifer took the necklace out of its hideout. The silver sheet in hands, shining, he held the chain with his fingers. He turned the large sheet around and read his name carved on it. He wondered a long time if he should take it, the only thing attached to his past, with him or leave it behind, with his childhood.

            "Seifer, yoo okay?" Squall asked walking in.

            Seifer quickly hid the necklace out of Squall's sight.

            "Just checkin' if anything fell behind the drawer."  
            "So?"

            "No, nothin'. Go ahead, I'm comin'."

            "O...kay..."

            Squall curiously traced Seifer on his way out. A minute ago, Seifer was mean to him as usual and now... He must have been really thoughtful!

            Seifer decided to keep it. He tied it up behind his neck. It was an adult size so the sheet was going down. But he would grow up and it would fit perfectly. For now, it was long enough to be hidden under his vest. He put the drawer back in place and got out of the room. He looked around and didn't saw Squall anywhere. He was probably out already. Only Edea was left by the exit.

            "Ready, Seifer?" she asked with a smile.

            He nodded and pushed his hair away from his face. Then he walked out, Edea behind him. He climed down the stairs to Cid waiting with Squall, Irvine and Selphie waiting to say good bye.

            "There you are!" Cid said happily. "Ready?"

            With a frown, Seifer looked at Squall's sad face then back at Cid's. He nodded.

            "Good!" Cid exclaimed with a smile. "Let's go you two."

            He turned to what looked like an opened mouth. It was a vessel which's entrance was on the front of it. There were few kids already inside but neither Squall or Seifer ever saw them before. Cid saw their curious looks and decided to answer their silent question.

            "These are kids from other orphanages. There will be lots of kids where we're going. You'll have lots of friends!"

            But Cid was obviously more enthousiastic than his little friends. Seifer only wanted to get outta here once and for all and know what's a home like. Squall only thought about the possibility of seeing Ellone someday. This was his only motivation.

            Cid entered the vessel befor turning to the others.

            "Say good bye, guys."

            Seifer shrugged but still turned to Irvine and Selphie, standing each side of Edea. That was what was left of the family he lnew. He wasn't sure what to do but while he was thinking, Squall has already stepped forward. Edea kneeled down to him with a warm smile.

            "Grow strong, Squall. You have to."

            Squall didn't understand what she meant. Edea suddenly wrapped her arms around him.

            "Be careful, okay? And have faith."

            "... Goodbye, Matwyn..."

            She released him and rubbed her eyes. Was she crying? Selphie cheerfully waved at Squall and Irvine gave a wide smile.

            "Be good!" Selphie said. "And have fun!"

            "Maybe we'll see each other again!" Irvine hoped.

            "G'bye," Squall finished with a faint smile.

            He walked backward a few steps then spun around and stepped in the vessel.

            For the first time, Seifer looked shy. He knew he could never see them all again. He wasn't there when Zell left, neither for Quistis and he was feeling something close to regret. So he stepped forward with a fake frown. Edea was still on her knees. She took Seifer's hands in hers and sighed, smiling at him.

            "Be good, Seifer. I'm proud of you."

            "Thanks, Matwyn," he whispered.

            She clenched his hands a little then released him. Irvine and Selphie looked like they weren't sure of what to do. So they decided to say goodbye.

            "Goodbye," Irvine said.

            "Bye bye!" Selphie said with more enthousiasm.

            "...bye," Seifer simply said going to the vessel.

            When he stepped in, Cid went further inside to tell something. He came back and the vessel started slowly floating away. Irvine and Selphie hurried to the limit of the beach waving Squall and Seifer good bye. Edea waved too. Seifer looked like he was glad to leave this place. Unlike Squall who seemed sad. When the vessel closed its door, Edea stopped waving but Irvine and Selphie kept doing it for a while.

            The vessel turned around itself and floated away, taking kids away from their home to a new one.

END OF FIRST PART


	2. The Garden

            Part 2- The Garden

            What happened after that is not really important. We were not even a dozen kids in the vessel. We disembarked in Balamb town. I don't really remember about it. We just walked through the city and out the field where we reached Garden. Everyone was staring at it with wide eyes, even Seifer. Not surprising, we always were in the orphanage, no big buildings around.

            In the courtyard, we all froze looking all the way up with our mouth wide open. Cid Had to remind us we were supposed to go INside.

            So we did and we were given a tour of the place. The infirmary with a young woman named Kadowaki, the Quad which only appeared like a huge balcony to us, the cafeteria which reminded some of us we were hungry, the Dormitory where we were given our rooms. Seifer had his far from mine and I'm surprised to remember he seemed deceived... but about what?

            We saw the under constuction Parking Lot, the Training Center (which was empty then) and the Library with empty shelves but dozens of piled boxes all around the floor. We were told the elevator could go to the second floor where were the classes, the third floor was prohibited. There was Cid's office. There also was a basement which also was a restricted area.

            After the tour, we could walk all around, free to go eat, explore on our own and get familiar with our new environment. That's probably the day I had the biggest surprise of all...

*****

            "So, wha'cha gonna do, Squall?" Seifer asked.

            "Put things in my room."

            "And then?"

            "Dunno. Maybe eat... Why?"

            "Uh... 'cause I thought I'd go eat so maybe we could go together see what there is?"

            Squall wasn't too sure about that.

            "I dunno, Seifer..."

            Seifer frowned.

            "Then when you know, you can come to the cafeteria. That's if yoo don't get lost!"

            And he spun around to run away. Squall traced him a while then walked to the Dormitory. He placed his clothes in a drawer and sat on the bed. The room wasn't really big, but at least, he was alone inside, not like the room he shared with all the others at Edea's.

            He sighed. Gone for a few hours and already missing everyone.

            His stomach growled.

            "Awright..."

            He found his way to the Cafeteria and looked around. Few kids were already at the tables or at the counter.

            "Hey!"

            Squall turned his head and saw Seifer waving discreetly at him. Squall walked to him and saw there was nothing on the table.

            "Wha'cha doin'? You didn't eat?"

            "Saved yoo a place," Seifer answered. "There're lots of kids."

            Seifer got up.

            "Now that yoo're here, yoo watch the place. I'll get the food. Wha'cha want?"

            "Anything."

            "'Kay."

            And Seifer walked to the counter while Squall sat up. What was wrong with Seifer? He never was like that before! Since they left the orphanage, he really acted strange. While he's usually cold and hard, even mean, now he's... almost friendly. Was the fact of leaving the orphanage that made him like this?

            Seifer came back, carefully carrying two trails, slowly walking to the table. Squall got up and helped him carry the trails. When they sat down, Seifer looked at Squall.

            "Didn' know what yoo like so yoo got just like me."

            "That's fine..."

            They ate in silence while the rest of the kids were pretty noisy.

            "Do yoo realize?" Seifer suddenly said. "We don't know anyone here."

            That was so right! In the orphanage, they knew everyone but here, they were alone. Maybe that's why Seifer acted so strange: because he felt alone too!

*****

            Maybe... but after that day, we started classes. While I was staying alone, Seifer started making friends...or tried. I was always hoping to see Sis appear around the corner, but of course, it never happened...

            Time past, Seifer spent less and less time with me. In fact, he started to be mean again. Even more seeing nobody was to be friends with him. I always happened to be around when he felt like passing his anger or boredom on someone...

*****

            Squall was walking in the hall of the second floor, a math book in hand, trying to solve a problem mentally. He was not looking where he was going and that was a good opportunity. For a ten years, he was studious but also careless. That's why he didn't see the leg in his way, tripped on it, and fell on the floor. The students around laughed at him while he stood on his knees to take his books.

            "What's wrong?" a blond boy teased. "Squally doesn't know how to walk anymore?"

            "That's a good one, you know! Seifer, you're great!"

            A dark skin young boy and an albinos girl were standing each side of Seifer. They have entered Garden not long ago and found in Seifer a funny guy to hang with.

            A blond girl stepped through the crowd to help Squall gather his books. Squall has seen her a few times, but they were in different classes so he couldn't recognize her. Unlike Seifer who always was in his class for 5 years!

            "He's so mean! Are you okay?" the girl asked handing Squall his books.

            "I'm okay. I gotta do my best by myself or else I won't be able to see Sis."

            "Huh?"

            But Squall got up without any answer.

            "My name is Quistis Trepe. I've been here for a year now. Who're you?"

            "... Squall Leonhart... I've been here all my life..."

            And he walked away, leaving Quistis alone tracing him.

*****

            It's strange how memories work... In five years, I forgot all about the others even though I was always around Seifer. But it's true you tend to forget unhappy things and kids forget lots of things. After all those studies, Maybe I felt like I've really been there all my life. Well...whatever...

            After that day, I happened to see a lot of Quistis. Especially around the off days when Seifer felt like beating me up. The Training center was now open but only for the older people. Too dangerous for kids.

*****

            Walking may sound boring because that's the only thing you do: walk. But while you walk, you think and that's what Squall was doing best. Until he past by the Quad where he heard:

            "Hey, Squall!"

            'Don't turn around, don't turn around...'

            "You're mother was so ugly...!"

            'Don't turn around, don't turn around...'

            "She was an Ochu!"

            'Looks like Seifer studied monsters...'

            "And your father..."

            'Don't turn around, don't turn around...'

            "Was a Malboro!"

            Squall turned around, on the verge of tears, and ran to Seifer who had a wide smile.

            "I have no parents!" he answered as he threw himself on Seifer.

            "Yeah! Show him!" the dark boy exclaimed.

            Squall punched Seifer. For a twelve, he was strong but Seifer, a year older, had the advantage. Squall couldn't see a thing he was crying too much. Seifer punched him right in the eye.

            A small crew started gathering around the fighters. Until...

            "Oh, no! Stop this you two! Squall stop!"

            It was Quistis. Just behind her came the albinos.

            Quistis grabbed on Squall and held on tight while the other girl held on Seifer.

            "Let go, Fujin! I'm not done!"

            "Enough, Seifer!" she said. "We must not fight among students!"

            Squall cheeks were full of tears as he tried to free himself from Quistis' grip.

            "That's enough, Squall!"

            The little boy was sobbing when Quistis pulled him through the people to take him to the infirmary.

            "Not again!" The doctor exclaimed when she saw Squall's face.

            "Yes," Quistis said sorry.

            The doctor treated his eye with care.

            "Either you'll be the best fighters of this place or you'll end up killing each other..."

*****

            I didn't see much of Seifer for a few days but when I did, he was really mad at me, more than ever and Fujin had a bandage over an eye. I didn't know why and there's no way I'd have asked what happened. Was Seifer so much willing for a fight he picked it up on Fujin?

            He'll tell himself...

*****

            As Squall was taken away, Seifer felt unsatisfied with the black eye he gave him. He wanted to fight more...

            "Hey," he called his friends. "Let's go to the Training Center."

            "Again?" Fujin said.

            "We'll be caught!" Raijin objected.

            Fujin frowned at him and kicked his leg.

            "Why don't you say it louder!"

            "Ouch! That hurts!"

            "Shut up you two!" Seifer ordered. "So what do you say?"

            Raijin and Fujin looked at each other and shrugged.

            "More practice," Fujin stated. "Why not?"

            "If you become stronger, maybe you'll beat up Squall some more next time!" Raijin commented.

            "Yeah... let's go."

            They carefully made it to the Training Center, always looking around if there was anybody but they were clear. Just by the inner entrance, the kids reached for something hidden under bushes. Seifer took out a large stick, the end was pointy and the handle smaller, like a sword. Raijin had a long wooden stick he held in the middle. He could swing it pretty well. Fujin had a round piece of wood. It looked like a freesbee but the circle was sharpened. It could not cut much but it could do some damage.

            There were only grats in the Training Center but they were not too much of three to take care of them. They were always going there together and staying close to the exit in case they'd have to leave quickly. Would either of them get just a bit hurt, they would leave. They could always pretend one had a fight, but would they be hurt too much, it would be hard to explain what happened.

            They usually met one or two grats at a time. Fujin was throwing her wheel at it, Raijin always slapping it, and Seifer was slashing it. When they happened to meet two at a time, two of them would fight one so they would be killed quickly.

            This time, they were attacked by surprise by two grats. They were really close to the exit because they were thinking of leaving soon.

            "Be careful!" Seifer commanded.

            They attacked together as usual. Raijin was taking care of one while another one went for Seifer. The young boy saw something move in the corner of his eyes. He turned his head to the exit and saw Squall standing there looking around, his black eye kept closed. When he saw Seifer, he frowned with curiosity.

            'Oh, no!' Seifer thought. 'He saw us! He's gonna tell we were here!'

            "Seifer!"

            He quickly turned around and was pushed away by Fujin when the grat was about to hit him with one of its arms. It slashed accross Fujin's face. With a scream of agony, she put her hands over her face and dropped on her knees. She kept yelling with pain as blood was rolling down her face.

            "FUJIN!!" Seifer yelled.

            He hurried to her while Raijin attacked the grat all by himself. He finished it then went to the others.

            "He's dead, ya know..."

            Fujin had a hard time breathing, still screaming while Seifer was trying to make her move her hands.

            "Let me see, Fu... Please take your hands off, let me see..."

            "No! It hurts! My eye, my eye!"

            Seifer looked at Raijin with tears of fury in his eyes.

            "Let's take her to the infirmary."

            "What are we gonna say?"

            "The truth..."

*****

            That's something I didn't know... I was there? Yes, it's true. After I left the infirmary, I heard some faint noises coming from the Training Center so... I was curious.

            Hum, Squall if you allow me, I'd like to add some more... I don't know if you remember but... I took you responsible for what happened to Fujin.

            ...... yeah, that's right.

*****

            "What were you doing there?!" The Instructor yelled.

            After taking Fujin in the Infirmary, the doctor asked Seifer and Raijin who was their Instructor. The doctor called him then they were forced to explain everything. Fujin was being treated meanwhile.

            Seifer had his fists clenched each side of him and his head down.

            "You know only too well you're not permitted in the Training Center until you get your own weapons! Not some piece of wood! So I guess it was not your first time, eh?"

            Seifer kept silent.

            "Answer, Almasy!"

            "... no, sir. It was not the first time..."

            "And you dragged Raijin and Fujin along all these times? You could have them killed!"

            "Untrue!" a voice cut.

            Seifer, Raijin and the Instructor turned their head to the door. Fujin was standing there, a bandage around her head hiding an eye. Kadowaki was just behind .

            "Seifer never forced us," she said. "We followed him on our own will. We're friends!"

            "That's right, ya know!"

            Seifer looked at the wounded girl with guilt on his face.

            "Fu..."

            "If you have to blame someone..." Fujin started walking towards them.

            "Blame us too!" Rajin finished.

            They stood each side of Seifer. The blond looked from one to another.

            "Rai... Fu..."

            The Instructor stood in front of them, amazed by the bond they were sharing. He almost smiled.

            "But you still have to be punished because you disobeyed one of the rules. Even though you went there of your own will, the Training Center is still off-limits for youngsters. I'll discuss this with the headmaster. Meanwhile you're confined inside Garden."

            "Yes, sir..." the three said.

            They left the infirmary. Seifer didn't look at Fujin anymore. He didn't want to see her, didn't want to see what has become of her.

            "You should go rest, Fu..." he simply said.

            "He's right, you know."

            "I'm fine. A bit dizzy, but that's all. It doesn't hurt as much as it did before."

            Seifer shut his eyes and ran from his friends.

            "Seifer!" Fujin called.

            "Running's prohibited!"

            But Seifer didn't care. He ran straight to the dorms, cursing Squall's name again and again, saying it was his fault and swearing he would pay for that.

            A few hours later, the punishment was known. Since they had so much energy to spare they would risk their lives in the Training enter, they would use it to clean every classes every evening for a whole month!

            Seifer didn't go in class for a while. The instructor tried to get him but Seifer was rude. He still always appeared at the end of the day to help his friends. Sometimes even taking Fujin's part of the job. Some students really wondered what happened to Fujin but the instructor refused to tell in case some students would be inspired to do the same thing.

            After five days, Seifer reappeared in class. Each time he was passing by Squall, he would give him the maddest face he had. Squall didn't understand of course. How could he?

            Unfortunately, the time would come where he would understand.

            Seifer outpast the confinement and took Squall outside to fight him so no one would disturb them this time.

            He punched Squall in his face, in his stomach, yelling and shedding tears in the same time.

            "It's your fault!" he screamed as he punched. "It was all your fault!"

            Squall dodged a punch and tried to hold his fist but Seifer broke away.

            "If you hadn't shown up, I wouldn't have been disturbed and Fujin...Fu..."

            Tears were rolling down his cheeks while he was clenching his fists just as hard as his teeth.

            "She would still have both her eyes!!"

            He missed a punch and lost his balance, falling flat on the ground. He remained there a moment.

            Squall used to fight back whenever Seifer fought him. He never even had a reason but this time, he had one. He wanted to place the blame on someone else. He knew it was his fault, he couldn't face it... He had to beat up someone and it had to be Squall as usual.

            The brown boy didn't say a thing this time. But seeing Seifer wasn't getting up, he crouched down to his level.

            "Seifer?" he asked reaching for him.

            Seifer swung a hand back and hit his. Then he turned around and threw himself onto Squall to punch his chest. Squall had a hard time keeping his balance but he waited.

            "Why did you show up, why? Fujin... Fujin... It's all your fault you hear? All your fault! Fujin...Fujin..."

            His punches became weaker and weaker until they were just fists on Squall's chest. Then Seifer lowered his head and cried freely.

            This anger and sadness was held inside him for five days. Maybe that's why he didn't fought Squall right away or maybe it would have been worst.

            Squall remained silent and placed a hand on Seifer's shoulder but not in an attempt to comfort him, just to let him know he was still there.

            Seifer wide opened his eyes and quickly got up, his face turning red as he realized what he just did.

            "I'm not done with you..." he muttered before running back in Garden.

            "You never are," Squall said as he got up to get back in.

*****

            After that day, Seifer seemed to hate me even more. He never really liked me, but at least he didn't HATE me!

            Of course! I was so ashamed that I cried in front of you... but I still used the incident as an excuse.

            And you didn't even hide yourself anymore. You beat me up when you felt like it... or when you were seeing me in the hall. But I got tired of being peated up for the same old reason so I fought back. And the day came where Seifer would beat me up for the last time.

*****

            About two weeks after the incident, Seifer dragged Squall for another fight, apparently still for everything being his fault.

            "Won't you ever get tired?" Squall asked punching Seifer.

            "Not until you pay!" Seifer replied blocking the fist.

            "And when will I have paid you back?"

            Seifer frowned and threw himself on Squall baring his teeth.

            "When you too will lose an eye! It was your fault!"

            "SEIFER!"

            The blond boy suspended his fist while his other hand had grabbed Squall's collar of his uniform. He turned his head and saw Fujin standing there, Quistis behind her. Fujin seemed shocked, in disbelief. The bandage from two weeks ago was switched for a black patch.

            Seifer slowly brought his arm down.

            "Fu..."

            "Was it true?" she asked.

            "What?"

            Squall was still under Seifer but he didn't try to move.

            "Is it true that you take Squall responsible for what happened to me? Are you beating him up for two weeks because of that?"

            "It... it's his fault!"

            "Shut up!"

            Seifer froze. Fujin was frowning at him. She never used to be so hard.

            "It's not true! It was no one's fault. Rather mine. 'I' placed myself in front of you, 'I' wanted to protect you, no one threw me there!"

            She was furious.

            "You want to beat up Squall, do what you want, but don't use me as an excuse! Don't do it in my name!"

            She spun around and hurried away.

            "Fu!"

            Seifer got up and went after her. When he caught her, she turned around. Quistis was helping Squall getting up even though he said he didn't need any help.

            "Squall!" Fujin called.

            The brown boy looked at her.

            "Forget, forgive..."

            Then she turned around again and left.

*****

            That day was the last one Fujin spoke a full sentence. From that day, she started talking only with some words. She wasn't screaming them yet though...

            Some time later, some older guys tried to have youngsters getting ear pierced. They said it would bring them respect. I don't know if I believed them but... that's when I got my ear pierced.

            One detail: Seifer stopped fighting me from that day. He still whispered me insults but they say words can't hurt... maybe if you don't listen to them...

            We started studying weapons, soon to chose our own. I didn't know what to chose so we past some tests and it seems I was to have a gunblade...the basic model: the Revolver. Coincidence, Seifer had another kind: the Hyperion.

            I was 15 when I got my gunblade. My necklace came along (that explains the chain on the handle) but coincidence? It was like my ring. In fact, our instructor gave the junk shop something from each of us and he had to put a particularity on our weapon.

            Once we had them, we could enter the Training Center but we were not supposed to go alone. Who could I go with? We usually went there with the whole class and in team. Believe it or not, Seifer and I used to be a team. I think he just wanted to see how good (or bad) I was.

            While I was studying, Quistis had become a SeeD already. One day I was at the cafeteria, she appeared by my side.

*****

            Squall had a hand on the table, the other one holdinh his kork. A blond head with blue eyes appeared in front of him.

            "Hi!" she said.

            Squall startled and looked at her. Then he recognized the girl.

            "Quistis..."

            She sat down in front of him.

            "How are you doing?"

            "My best."

            "You got your weapon didn't you?"

            "..."

            "Are you good?"

            "..."

            Quistis frowned.

            "Hey!"

            Squall roughly put his fork on the table and sighed.

            "What is it?" he asked rudely.

            Maybe too rude. Quistis startled and had a move backward.

            "Well... I haven't seen you for a while because of the missions and I thought... well... forgive me..."

            She got up, sadness on her face and Squall knew he hurt her. He closed his eyes.

            "Sorry..." he said.

            She looked at him and had a smile then she saw his hand. She bent over.

            "Hey, nice ring!"

            "Thanks."

            "Where did you get it?"

            "I don't remember. A long time ago."

            "Does it have a name?"

            "... a name?" Squall asked arching an eyebrow at her.

            "Yes, the creature on it. You should give it a name. I t will bring you luck."

            "It's stupid."

            Quistis shrugged.

            "You're not forced to do it..."

            She walked away.

            "Oh, Squall!" she called turning back.

            He looked up at her.

            "I'll be taking the instructor's class. I don't want to remain a SeeD, I want to be an Instructor."

            "That's your choice..."

            She sighed and left.

            Squall looked at his plate, then his hand. He turned it to make the light play with the carved winged lion. A name... for luck? This ring never brought him anything but sadness and pain since the day he got it. When Sis disappeared. What was her name already? Leaving him alone, being beated up by Seifer... nothing but grief.

            "Grief... Griever..."

*****

            That's how it was named Griever. Yes for it brought nothing good to me...except Rinoa, maybe.

            We then had to fight with partners. That's how Seifer and I ended up fighting together. Because we were the only ones to have gunblades, it was the fairest way.

            Oh, speaking of Seifer. He started playing discipline on people so that's how it was decided that Raijin, Fujin and him ended up at the disciplinary commitee. Zell entered Garden that year. Poor Zell. Seifer liked to run behind him to say he couldn't run around Garden. It's true was noisy, always making a story out of nothing.

            Remember Seifer often called Raijin and Fujin 'Rai' and 'Fu'? Guess what's on that plate on their arm? They stand each side of Seifer and they have that plate on their arm.

            Quistis obtained he instrucor's license the next year. I was 16. Since she became my instructor it was odd. She was just a year older than me, but I still respected her.

            The following summer, I didn't saw much of Seifer... and I know why. We could leave Garden if we wanted to now. Back then, I didn't know what he was doing but now I know: he was seeing Rinoa. She doesn't reely like to talk about that time and I'm glad like that. I don't want to hear about it... What-Ever!

            Time past again. I was assigned two GFs: Quezacoatl and Shiva. I junctionned them and practiced using them in the Training Center. Maybe is seems easy but you need time and concentration to summon GFs. But the more you use them, the easier and quicker it becomes for them to answer.

            Soon, I past the written test. Then I knew I had to go to the Fire Cavern before taking the Field exam. Seifer has already taken it a couple of times. In Garden, when test occurs, you take it if you feel you're ready. I wonder how Seifer managed to past the written test: I never saw him study before!

            I'm not quite sure why he failed his field exams. Maybe for the same reasons he failed the one he took with me: disobeying. Whatever...

            The thing is, here comes the last event that has some importance in my life until today, until Ultimecia's thing, until everything started changing...

            The day I had to go to the Fire Cavern...

*****

            When Squall woke up, he knew it was the day. There have been rumors about the field exam being for today. He past the written test the week before but he still had to take the Fire Cavern for prerequisite. He had to have a support. It would probably be Quistis, his instructor.

            He got up and looked outside. The sky was dark. It was still early but there were clouds. Rain would probably come soon.

            He dressed up in his leather clothes. When did he start wearing those already? And why? Maybe to look though... Or maybe more to be unnoticed.

            He was opening the door, putting his jacket on when he froze. A blond guy was looking at him wearing a grey trench coat. Squall frowned.

            "What do you want, Seifer? I just got up."

            "So did I. What do you say we have some practice this morning?"

            Squall stated walking down the hall, Seifer following.

            "Now?" Squall asked.

            "Yes, now! If the rumors are true, we must have a last training session before."

            Squall stopped and looked away. He was hoping to get Quistis to get him to the Fire Cavern before class. He looked back at Seifer. That strange shine in his eyes was new. He frowned at that sight. Did Seifer had something in mind?"

            "... All right," Squall gave up. "Where?"

            "On the rocks behind Garden in ten minutes."

            "Ten?"

            No breakfast...

            "Let me get my gunblade and I'll join you..."

            "All right! I won't go easy on you this time."

            'Like you ever went easy on me before...'

            Seifer walked away, Squall tracing him a while. Then he went back in his room to get his gunblade.

            When he got out of Garden, he found the air heavy, it was certain it would rain. He walked to the mountains, his gunblade on his shoulder. He saw Seifer not far, his gunblade standing in front of him. Squall placed his in the groung too. Thunder cracked.

            "So you're here. I was afraid you'd chicken out!" Seifer teased.

            "Why would I be afraid of some training?"

            Seifer placed his hand on the handle and pulled the gunblade out of the ground before pointing it at Squall. A lightning struck.

            "Get ready!"

            Squall took his gunblade in two hands and ran to Seifer...

*****

            What happened after that is not a secret to anyone: we got our scar that day. After using the rough divide on Seifer, I think I collapsed. Seifer was in better shape than I was and believe it or not, he carried me to the infirmary. He told me that.

            I wanted to humiliate Squall the day of the exam so he'd know who's the strongest of us. But I wasn't expecting him to get up after my strike. That's why I got him to the infirmary, out of respect for his strenght.

            Thanks...

            Well that's it. Those were what appears like the most important events of my life. I was reluctant at first but now... I feel whole. Like I've been missing something for years and finally got it back which is true: I lost my memories because of the GFs.

            Think of this as a Diary but since Seifer wrote some things in it, it's more like a collective diary... Rin..?

            Hi! I thought it wasn't fair for Squall and eifer to have all the interest. I must think of the time Laguna met my mom... it's starnge... but if he wouldn't have met Raine and go back to Julia, neither Squall or I would have been born! But I think it's fate: our mom and dad couldn't love each other so it was our role to fulfill their destiny...

            Wow... I never thought about it but...it's true... If Laguna would have gone back to Deling to Julia... that's funny how destiny can play us sometimes.

            I think that's all. For finish, I think I have to thank the ones who helped me do this...or forced me to do this. Edea, Ellone, Seifer, everyone, thanks a lot. And I hope this is not useful just for me... maybe it would inspire them to write their own lives down...

END

Carole M.

Written dec 17 2001

11:00 P.m

Typed august 14 2002

10:00 p.m.

It took me two years just to write down this story (not talking about typing it)! Because I have the bad habit of writing lots of stories in the same time. I always start with the ones I'm most inspired with. And I had to be sure the game parts were the same so I played twice to copy everything.

            It wasn't starnge to be Squall even though I thought it would. Maybe because I like him so much But with FFX, I thought my FFVIII fanfics would go behind schedule since I still have so many to write! But I don't have much ideas for FFX fics yet. I'll try my best, promise! I know it's bad when you start reading an unfinished fanfic and you don't know if the author will ever finish it...I read a lot of these...

            Now be patient and look forward my trilogy: 'Squall's Sister' (done and online!), 'The Forgotten Guardian Force', (on the way) and 'Hyne's Comeback'. The third's all planned and is gonna be damn good!!

            Thanks for reading!

            P.S. I'm still looking for a name for the GF I'm bringing in The Forgotten Guardian Force. It's gonna be like an underwater monster but not a sea snake like Leviathan. Anyone has an idea? They're welcomed as well as comments!!


End file.
